It’s crazy that I don’t fully trust him after all he’s brought us through. And it’s so unfair to make him prove himself over and over again, and yet I do. I don’t trust God and that is evident in my personal issue with prayer. Prayer seems so wrong to me.
To pray: to plead, to beg
That’s not a conversation! That’s a one sided give-me-give-me. The word prayer has a different meaning, or different connotations than we realize, I think. I don’t want to pray to Yahweh unless it is to beg and plead for my life, which I should probably be doing! I deserve death, so I guess that would make sense. But that’s not relationship building. If prayer is the way we talk to Yahweh, the way we build relationship, prayer, as defined above, is not it! Begging and pleading is not meaningful conversation with our Creator, our Savior and our King.
I admit that prayer is a powerful thing, a tool or whatever. I’ve seen it work in the lives of people around me. I’ve even seen it work in my life, but I feel as if I’m missing out on something. Something big. I desire to build my relationship with Yahweh, and I need to talk to him and to hear from him to build that relationship, and so I must use prayer, or less formally, I must talk to him.
So how does this tie into my lack of trust and fearing how he’ll use me. Well, I guess I fear that Yahweh will give me more change than I’m willing to handle; if I’m in an intimate relationship with him, he’ll expect too much of me too soon for my liking. I fear the changes I know I’m required to make. I am too content with my life the way it is; I appear to dread the good things he’ll do in and around my life if I let him get that close to me, if I allow his love and power and grace to truly and completely affect my life.
And I know that makes no sense at all. Why WOULDN’T I want to have these good things in my life???
So what’s my hang up with prayer? Why do I turn my nose up at the word and the concept? Prayer has become “holier than thou” concept. It’s something Christians use to beat and berate each other with; it’s a measuring stick of holiness.
And it shouldn’t be.
And that’s what makes me angry. That’s what causes my feelings of disdain for something that is so good for me, so beneficial. And ironically, the best way to work through this, is to pray… the best way to work through this is by getting to know my Creator and my Father better!
I don’t know if this is a “fake it until you make it” deal or what, but I’m game. What’s the worst that can happen? I stay the same. And the best? I become more in love with Yahweh.
More in love with Yahweh…. that is the desire of my heart.
Today I pulled up this post and made the Snack Cake that we loved a couple of years ago. I think it will be our breakfast for the next little while. It’s easy, fast and changeable. I can add any number of treats to the batter to make it taste different. This morning I swapped vanilla for Young Living’s orange essential oil.The kids haven’t even let the pan get cool yet and the cake is more than half gone. Granted, that doesn’t take long around here, but sometimes it’s really a chore to get them to eat. I think I may experiment with using honey instead of sugar too.
In this house we deal with more burns than we do cuts, but a Facebook acquaintance told me about this “kick butt healing goo” aka essential oil salve that she made to help with a cut on her finger. With the oils she used, this would be good for any number of cuts, scrapes and abrasions as well as respiratory issues. I’ll have to make some up for us, I think.
I’m always hurting myself. Not that long ago, I cut myself pretty good cutting a deer leg up. Nothing seemed to be working, so I did a little research and thought I’d make my own healing salve. This is the “recipe”: I melted coconut oil (I didn’t measure it, sorry), added about 40 drops of tea tree oil, 20 each of eucalyptus and orange oils; I poured this into a pint-sized mason jar and put it in the fridge. To use it, I scrape a little bit up and apply it where I need it. It melts and feels wonderful. My wound was basically healed over in 3-4 days.
I don’t have a real good picture of the original cut, but it was pretty deep towards the nail! This is about a week or so later.
For respiratory issues, I would put Jessica’s “healing goo” on the chest or back. I can’t wait to try this out.
If you are interested in learning more about Young Living essential oils, be sure to contact me; I’d love to help you out.
Our family started using essential oils early 2012. Since that time I have spent a lot of time learning about the oils – how and where to use them, what oils to use for which issues. I continue my education in this area regularly by purchasing (and reading) books, taking courses online and listening to podcasts and webinars.
My biggest problem with choosing which oils for each issue is that I always felt like I was playing a guessing game. I never knew for sure what exactly the issue might be and what oil might just work the best. When I heard about the Zyto Compass* I loved the idea of being able to pinpoint the exact oils my body (or those of my family members) needed at that time and so in December of 2013 I purchased a Zyto Compass*. I run regular scans on my family members (about once a month, though my husband likes them every 2-3 weeks) and we purchase the oils needed as we are able. When we don’t have the oils listed on hand, or simply can’t put out the money to get them, we use what we have. I feel more in control of our healthcare issues, because the Zyto Compass* gives me direction.
So how does the Zyto Compass work?
Before I purchased the Zyto Compass*, our family experienced great success improving our health with essential oils. My husband helped rid himself of an ongoing sinus infection using such oils as eucalyptus, peppermint and a blend called R.C.. I helped remove slivers less painfully with Thieves blend. My second youngest son had a number of warts on his feet; each night for about 6 weeks, I placed a tiny bit (less than a drop) of oregano oil on just two of the warts and I covered them with band-aids. When those two warts fell out, the others also disappeared within days.
Now that we have the Zyto Compass*, I am able to deal with problems more quickly; if one of the children are feeling “off” they will come and ask me for a scan so they can get the right oil for the job. My husband is able to tweak his oil protocols every two weeks or so and has had great results in maintaining and increasing digestive and respiratory health.
My distributors and other clients are enjoying this tool as well. One lady in particular waits to make her monthly essential oils order until she gets her scan; she wants to be sure that she’s ordering what her body needs. Others come away with a better understanding of what’s going on inside. My friend and colleague, Lynne, loves the scan and appreciates the accuracy when comparing what she knows about her body, where the issues are specifically and loves being able to help fix the problem areas effectively.
If you are at all interested in more information about the Zyto Compass* or Young Living, you can contact me or visit the websites linked in this information.
Loving my new tool,
Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional. I’m a mom sharing what works for our family and friends. The information included on this website are for information purposes and not a substitute for speaking with your healthcare professional.
So my friend Lynne and I hosted a workshop in my home today for a few other women. At this workshop we talked about Young Living oils, did Zyto scans on everyone to find out what oils our bodies needed and made these really cool shower “discs” among other things. Lynne and I had a number of trial and error adventures before the ladies arrived and by the time they left I think we got it down. The ones pictured are still drying, but here’s the end result:
I can’t wait to try them. Not that I want to be sick, but I want to give them a try too.
Click here for a free download of the recipe we tried to follow; you’ll have to do it trial and error, just like we did.
1 So if you were raised along with the Messiah, then seek the things above, where the Messiah is sitting at the right hand of God. 2 Focus your minds on the things above, not on things here on earth. 3 For you have died, and your life is hidden with the Messiah in God. 4 When the Messiah, who is our life, appears, then you too will appear with him in glory! 5 Therefore, put to death the earthly parts of your nature – sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed (which is a form of idolatry); 6 for it is because of these things that God’s anger is coming on those who disobey him. 7 True enough, you used to practice these things in the life you once lived; 8 but now, put them all away – anger, exasperation, meanness, slander and obscene talk. 9 Never lie to one another; because you have stripped away the old self, with its ways, 10 and have put on the new self, which is continually being renewed in fuller and fuller knowledge, closer and closer to the image of its Creator. ~Colossians 3:1-10
Would you lie for me?
Can I trust that if I were in a sticky situation that you would tell the truth, even if it got me in more trouble?
I have a very high standard of honesty. Little white lies are a bigger deal to me than a big fat bold-faced ones. I understand exaggerations and stretching a story for a story’s sake but that is totally different than what I’m talking about. Lying is a tiny chink in the armor of our relationships. Lying is an entryway drug. When you tell a little white lie you start down the slippery slope to more lies, and other forms of mistrust.
I need to trust that you will not only tell me the truth but that you will tell others the truth on my behalf. Wrong or not, I hold you to the same standard of honesty as I hold myself. So guess what that means? I’m not going to lie for you nor to you. I may even be brutally honest (though I’m working on tempering my honesty with compassion because I don’t want to hurt people).
I’ve never read in the Bible anywhere that condones or supports lying and that’s the standard to which I try to hold myself. I’m not perfect; lies slip out. And then repentance and moving forward.
What level of trust and honesty so you hold yourself and your relationships to?
My aunt died earlier this year. She was my mom’s oldest sister and the oldest of 7 living daughters. I didn’t feel sad, not really. I didn’t feel any loss here. I’m sad for my mom that she lives in Rwanda, Africa and couldn’t be here to grieve along with her family and that she couldn’t be part of the funeral. But I feel nothing for myself. I didn’t know her well at all and until this summer I didn’t even feel I knew her children well. We were not close to them growing up. Our house fire reconnected me with a lot of people, my cousins were some of those people. And this summer we got to know each other a little better at a family reunion. I’m so grateful for that.
My frustration is that I have a different idea of the theology of death than the rest of my family and most of my friends. Everyone is sure that my aunt (or any of their loved ones who have died) has gone to heaven and I’m not 100% sure on that. I don’t know how my aunt lived her life, so I’m not judging that. My issue is with “where we go when we die”, or “what happens when we die”. Most people around me are certain that we will go straight to heaven when we die and will wait for loved ones to join us. I don’t agree.
I believe in heaven and I believe in eternal damnation (what does that look like??? I haven’t a clue, really.), but I don’t believe that we go to either place immediately upon our death. There seems to be enough Scriptural evidence to point towards what my friend called “a dirt nap” where our bodies just lay in wait for the resurrection. The dead in Christ will rise and meet him in the air is something we are taught in Christian circles. My question is: WHY would we have to rise and meet him if we are ALREADY with him? It’s just not logical. And I have my faith in a pretty logical and organized God.
It feels “better” and helps with the grieving process to say that our loved ones are in heaven with Jesus – playing and doing this or doing that, meeting with family who has gone on before, but in my opinion, that’s just bad theology. Maybe you need to know where I’m coming from on this topic. I’m a mother of 8, but I only get to parent 7. In March 2004, I gave birth to a son who lived for 10 days on machines and then we took him home, where he “lived” (I should say, slowly died) for another 2 days. It felt better and made things easier to say that Harvey was in heaven with a cousin and an aunt who died in infancy that I never met. But even then, in the middle of my grief, I “knew” or “felt” that we were not quite right to say that he was in heaven. Will he get to heaven? Yes, I completely believe that, I just don’t believe he’s there now. And that thought begs the question, “So is he actually there – in the ground where we buried him?” I dunno. I’ve always been taught that it’s just his body that’s in the ground. His soul is in heaven. I dunno. It’s a big question that many people ask and I don’t know that anyone can have a concrete answer to these questions.
Like my husband says, “We’ll know when we get there.”
My girls are LOVING 1 Girl Nation!! They used to listen to One Direction NON-STOP and it was driving me crazy! I was so tired of their “worship” of these boys. They were so ga-ga over them. I went looking for something different and found these beautiful women with music that is very similar sounding to One Direction but the lyrics are so much better. My four girls latched on to this right away and have memorized most of the songs on the album in the short few weeks that we’ve had the disc in the house. I will be buying more of their albums for sure!
I encourage you to check out their links below, listen to a sampling on iTunes and buy if you are so inclined! We love 1GN in the Harris house! (Scroll to the bottom of this post for a video of my two youngest girls dancing and singing to One Girl Nation’s title track. Excuse the chaos! Life goes on, whether we are producing or not! LOL! Especially because everyone wants in on the action – even the dog!)
About 1 Girl Nation:
Landing in the space where One Direction meets TobyMac, 1 Girl Nation is an exciting blend of upbeat pop music, with lyrics that are totally focused on living life for God, even while you’re young. 1GN, as they’ve already been dubbed, stars Carmen, Kayli, Kelsey, Lauryn Taylor and Lindsey, five girls with a passion for telling their fans about Christ through their music. Their first single, “While We’re Young,” can be heard on radio stations across the country and their self-titled debut album is available now!
In honor of Kristyn’s birthday this year, I’m reposting her birth story.
When J and I got married we decided that we wanted many children and ignored most of the advice we got. “Go on the pill, NOW!” I didn’t. “Get to know each other before you have kids.” We figured we knew each other pretty well and there was a lot of time for that. “Wait at least five years before adding a child to your relationship.” We were married in December of 2000. Harris Baby #1 was conceived late January / early February of 2001. This is the story of her birth.
Not far into the pregnancy, we made an appointment at the local clinic with a lady doctor who we had heard good things about. Our thinking was that since she’d had a baby we would be more comfortable with her. This was not to be so! She treated J like his should not be there, because he had already done his part. She did not listen to us. We didn’t want the PAP, or any STD tests done. She insisted, saying, “I’m here anyway, I might as well.” (In response to our not wanted the STD testing done but we had already agreed to the PAP; figured we had to agree to that.) We both felt violated and ignored. She insisted on other things like an early ultrasound and used “scare tactics” to get me to agree. We made the second appointment but never went. Instead I started looking for a local midwife. The closest was an hour away. We connected well with the first and only midwife I called!
We attended a new church the morning of my due date. Although they could tell I was expecting, no one guessed that I was “due” that day. We knew that it was unlikely we would go into labor that day as few babies actually arrive on their given date. We went about our Sunday activities – to a church member’s home for a meal, home to watch tv. No inclination of what was to come that night until we were headed to bed.
On the way to the bedroom I had a “spurt” of bloody show that scared us a little so we called our midwife for support. She assured us that all was fine, that the baby would be arriving within the next couple of days. She said to keep in touch and to get a good sleep. She said that when labor hit to call her “when it wasn’t fun anymore” and she’d head our direction.
Well, labor started almost immediately. We did go to bed and I tried to sleep through the contractions. I felt like I was disturbing J and ended up getting up a couple of hours later. I folded laundry while letting him sleep as long as I could. The contractions got to a point where I couldn’t handle them alone anymore so I got J up. He prepared the bed and house for delivery in between contractions. I called our midwife again and asked her to come. She took a LONG time to do so due to some car trouble. The time between my call and the time of her arrival probably seemed longer because of the “activity” at hand and me wanting an experienced person by my side. When she arrived J helped carry in her equipment while she helped me find a good position to encourage labor and drop the baby more. Not too long after her arrival she checked my dilation. I was 9cm. She called the second midwife to come.
I remember how tired J and I were by this time. I remember feeling out of control even once I started pushing. I didn’t know what to expect; I hadn’t educated myself but had expected others to educated me. J was my birthing apparatus – stool, leaning post, hanging “bar”. He was exhausted. We finally found a position where he could sit and still support me and I could be upright enough to birth comfortably.
I had a prayer warrior for this birth too. My friend received a call from me just after my first call to our midwife. I remember that she called back the next morning to see if anything had really happened while I was in the midst of intense pushing. The answering machine had this tone that kept beeping to tell us there was a message. That sound drove me crazy! I finally begged them to turn it off! My friend had spend part of the night and early morning in prayer for this birth!
I don’t remember the second midwife’s arrival or her departure. She was just there and did what was needed to be done and then was gone again. Her biggest role that morning was to help suction and get our baby breathing / crying well (meconium in the fluid caused issues and concern).
Kristyn LaDonna (7lbs 6oz) was born mid-morning, caught by our midwife, beside our double bed in the comfort of our home. I was helped into bed and I snuggled with our new baby, while J ran on adrenaline – cleaning up, doing laundry, calling friends and family. Our midwife, quietly did her paperwork at the table, not disturbing or interfering. Baby was weight and measured and checked over at our request before she left.
I did have trouble with nursing. A combination of things caused this. Kristyn was a sleeper at first. We couldn’t keep her awake to eat and I wasn’t letting down my milk. After a visit or two and some coaching over the phone we got the hang of it. She became a pro and nursed for about 14 months, even through another pregnancy and baby arriving before she was a year old.
This is a repeat, of Rayna’s birth story in honor of her birthday.
EDD: November 1, 2008
DOB: October 27, 2008
For about a week prior to her birth I had been having crampy, practice labor – an hour here and there, so when I woke Sunday, October 26th with contractions about 20 minutes apart I was not concerned. I got everyone dressed and we went to church. Through the service and visiting afterward, my contractions spread out to 40 minutes and petered out to nothing through the afternoon. Around 4:30 PM the contractions started again – about 40 minutes apart. I went shopping for a few grocery items that we needed; Jason kept the kids. When I got back I got stuff put away and made mac and cheese for supper.
While doing baths and bed routine I had the girls help get their overnight bags ready and Jason and I started timing contractions. They were odd. I never quite knew when one started or stopped or when they peaked. They varied in length and intensity and frequency – anywhere from 1.5 minutes to 2.5 minutes and 3.5 and 6 minutes apart. Between 9 and 10 PM, I called our midwife to get her input and to give her an update. She agreed that the contractions seemed more like practice than the real thing. She advised that we get some rest as best as possible and to keep in touch.
So I went and took a shower and got ready for bed. I slept fitfully on the couch while Jason watched TV. On one of my many trips downstairs to the bathroom we got the bed prepared for me to sleep there and then he did his evening routine. It was around 1AM. At about 20 after 1 I had a tough contraction that gave a kick or a pop. During this contraction Jason suggested that we do something more to cover the bedding in case my water broke. Well, when I stood to allow him to do so, I found myself standing in a puddle. I guess that pop had a purpose – to kick this lagging labor in the butt!
I called our midwife but got her voice mail 2 or 3 times and I got a little concerned that maybe she’d been called out to another birth or something. But I called her pager and she called back around 1:45AM. I told her that my water had broke and that she should come this way. She had a two hour drive ahead of her. The contractions were more intense, more regular and longer. Because she missed our last birth due to inclement weather and the speed of which he came into this world, she asked if I figured she’d make it. I thought she’d have lots of time; the contractions weren’t “that strong”. (I remember her telling me with my very first pregnancy, to call her when “it wasn’t fun anymore”. I wasn’t to that point yet!)
Well, Jason moved me back to the couch. Our little guy (22 months) wouldn’t stay asleep and wanted nothing to do with Daddy. So we decided we had better call the sitter to come and get all the kids. (Earlier we had discussed just letting them sleep and having the sitter run interference in the morning.) When she arrived the little man was sleeping on my tummy and I was well focused on each contraction. So while Jason and our friend did well collecting kids and paraphernalia I did have to direct traffic a little (well, I probably didn’t have to, but I did). They were gone by 2:30AM and it was just Jason and I again.
He positioned himself to help me and I remember saying to him, “I think I’ve stalled.” I had no contractions, no urges to push, nothing. I was just resting, and relaxed. And then all of a sudden a switch seemed to flip and I went full force into push mode. I continued to sit on the couch and got frustrated as it felt like I was preventing the baby from coming out – pushing baby into the couch cushion. I moved to the floor, kneeling on a blanket for warmth. Jason applied counter pressure with each push. I loved how we communicated. No anger or frustration. Just direction here and there. And questions like “Is that good?’ “Need more?” I was amazed at how quickly this seemed to go.
I was worried about tearing. I didn’t seem to be stretching fast or far enough to accommodate baby’s size or speed of delivery. Jason got hot ginger cloths to help soften and soothe, and we gently stretched the skin around her large noggin! I even asked Jason to check that it really was a head and not a butt coming first, but now we see that her butt is smaller than her head. I remember a couple of times changing position to slow her descent. Not that I tried to push her back in, but I just needed some relief and time to stretch a little more.
Finally baby’s head was completely born but the shoulders and body did not follow with the next couple of pushes. Baby was going a little blue. I changed positions a couple of times and still no change. I wasn’t worried but knew that we had to do something soon. Jason got active and right up in there to give a gentle tug. He must have missed the catch because there she was beside me. (We were expecting a boy; just a gut feeling and the way I was carrying her in pregnancy.) I scooped her up and started rubbing and patting to get her crying and breathing. It was 3:30AM.
She was beautiful pink all over in just a few seconds. Clear soft skin. And lungs! The girl has lungs!
Jason moved the two of us to the couch and started covering us with blankets. He had the temperature so high in the house that he was sweating like crazy but baby and I were so cold. Then the contractions for the placenta hit. OUCH! But no sight of it. Normal for me is within the first half hour, but being that this whole delivery was abnormal, I shouldn’t have been surprised.
Our midwife called from the road about 20 minutes after baby was born. She asked if I was going to wait for her and I had to apologize saying, “I just couldn’t. She wanted to come out so badly!” She was another 20 minutes away yet. I still hadn’t delivered the placenta when they (she’d stopped to pick up a support /backup midwife) arrived. Our midwife had time to deal with the cord before the next contraction came. (Jason had gone outside and really had no interest in cutting the cord; he considered himself “off duty” once they arrived.) With that contraction the placenta arrived all in one piece; it was very large, almost like another baby! In fact, earlier while we were waiting and the contractions were so “brutal” I questioned whether there was another baby in there but after some poking Jason and I decided that we were parents again to only one more baby, not two.
I am so pleased to say that that I did not pass out this time. Not when they moved me to a more comfortable position, nor when I got up (was helped up) to pee in a bucket. And I haven’t since! My body “got it right” this time. Oh, I’m feeling the pain of sore muscles and such of the pregnancy and delivery, but nothing like after the last speedy entry.
I did not know the baby’s name. When the midwife was doing her paperwork and asked, I just looked at Jason. He named her and I am so pleased with what he chose. I got to choose the spelling though and I love the letter Y so of course that went in!
Rayna, Jason and I spent the day on the couch – in and out of sleep, watching TV, phoning family and friends. The other children came home late in the afternoon. Another friend brought supper and bathed all the kids. Then at bedtime a third woman and our sitter came by with gifts and to put the older ones to bed. We have been so blessed.
Baby Rayna is well looked after and loved. A new baby always shows me the older children’s personalities. K(7) is a little momma – holding and changing diapers, bossing the other children. CJ(6) thinks baby is just a live doll whose clothes need changing regularly. M(3.5) just loves to talk about her baby sister but can never remember her name. W(22mon and only boy) pokes and pats and hugs; he’s feeling the pinch of not being the baby anymore; this “baby sissa” is always in the way, in his spot beside or on mommy.
I’ve never gone into labor early, so that was a pleasant surprise. I was very glad I had done as much prep work as I had – packing bags, collecting supplies and buying things for the newborn. I had activities planned for the next couple of weeks to keep us occupied and have had to change those plans, but that’s okay. We are loving on this baby and taking the time needed to recover and adjust to her being with us now. And we are welcoming guests; we are far from bored!