Trying to be more Free Range

After watching a program on CTV called Lost Adventures of Childhood, I found this blog by one of the mothers featured on the program. Her name is Lenore Skenazy. She allowed her pre-teen to come home alone on the subway. He had no cell phone. She trusted that he would ask for help if he needed it. And you know what? He made it home and was so very proud of himself. He learned some great skills that day.

I am very sad with the state of parenting in today’s society. We coddle our children and don’t allow them to experience things for themselves. We don’t allow them to test themselves and gain confidence. Our fears are fed and provoked by tv shows and the media. Lenore Skenazy writes at Free Range Kids and her latest post is about how CSI has affected our parenting. The following is the comment I left on her blog (modified for here).

CSI group of shows are the favorite shows in this house, but Lenore is right. I think it does feed our fears a little. We have four almost free range children and a baby. The older four are free to be in our yard and the neighbors’. We have no fence, but trees surrounding the yards. I allow our oldest to walk the half block to our library a couple times a week. She is seven and a half. Sometimes she takes one sibling with her.

Just this afternoon we walked to our post office and I practiced allowing them to be a little more free range by allowing them to run just a little further ahead than I normally do. I usually keep the younger two (3.5 and 2) close, but I allowed them to go too. We were all fine.

Also, I considered, when we stopped at the post office to allow the four to play at a nearby park (ages 7, 6, 3, 2) while I went inside to grab the mail and some stamps. But I changed my mind. I didn’t know how long I was going to be inside and I didn’t trust that the oldest would keep the youngest off the street. So I called them to come to me. They responded immediately! I was so impressed with them. I then allowed them to play on the grass and ramp outside the building while I went inside. They stayed where they were supposed to or came in when they were done what they were exploring.

I’m learning more and more that people are generally good. My kids are great communicators (even the 2 yo) and I trust that they would ask for help if they needed it. I am slowly opening my free range wings. My husband is too, though he’s a little “behind” me in this.

We had a baby die at 12 days old. We know the pain of the loss of a child. We would never want to experience that again. At the same time, we don’t want to coddle or baby the others. It is a matter of finding balance and knowing our children and what they are capable of. And giving them the tools they need to be safe.

I say these things with some concerns, some struggles. Many of the children in our neighborhood have not been trained or are just acting stupid. They play on the busy street (a highway through our town) without leaving the road when semi-trucks are coming and such things. It scares me! There is no reason for this play because we have parks and playgrounds and skateboarding areas. I don’t believe that these children are true free range children, but more so children left to their own devices without proper training and teaching.

Or, that these children are products of a society. We have raised a generation of un-spanked grandmothers and grandfathers. Spoiled rotten adults. They will be adults one day anyway. Who wants that??? Grandmothers are tough enough to deal with. (Presently reading grandmothers are not included in this general statement!) But selfish and spoiled ones will be even worse. Isn’t it a grandmothers’ job to spoil with loving attention and care their grandchildren? Not the other way around.

But I digress from the topic at hand.

This idea of allowing our children to be free range may seem easy, but by just watching the children in my neighborhood, there is more to it than just allowing our children to run free. We need to help them understand safety and respect. (Respect is severely lacking in society today.) Being a free range parent is not easy. It is like walking the wrong way up the stream. And it takes a lot of work to give our children the skills needed; to work ourselves out of a job by the time they are in their teens.

Striving to learn and live God’s purposes,